me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
