This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
