i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
