I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
