I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Drake has all the answers
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