I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
