I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
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