i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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