the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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