He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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