Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
