I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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