you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
