his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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