my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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