So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
