thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
