She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
