Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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