He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
