That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
