yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize