remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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