Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
