I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
