I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
