I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
