There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize