Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
