For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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