My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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