it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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