You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
