K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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