Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
