just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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