I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The cops high fived after they tackled you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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