i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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