So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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