Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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