Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
