Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
