Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
