I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
