Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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