i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
