just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Found the puke drawer
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
