ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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