She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
