:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
