come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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