i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
