A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
