remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
