Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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