she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
