this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
