just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
