god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize