i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
