Sry I called you an 8
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
