Your face is a jimmy john
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
