he puts the penis in happiness.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
