I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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