So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
