He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
