i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
