Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
