he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
