Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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