apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
