Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
