Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
