He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
