call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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