I'm really into asian looking animals
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
