No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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