dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drake has all the answers
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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