Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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