Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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