Slut skills are useful in every country.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
