do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
