New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
