i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
