would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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