You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
