you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize