your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we're so committed to being not committed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
